244 Days, 34 weeks and 6 days brings my family and I to 8 full months since Shane passed away.
The saying that the ‘firsts’ are the hardest is so true. These past few weeks being particularly hard with-it being Shane’s first heavenly birthday on the 20th May and consecutively our sons’ birthdays: Rio on the 3rd June, turning 25, a wonderful, quarter of a century old & Dallas 17 on the 4th June. All with this new reality that Shane is no longer here to celebrate these hallmarks, including sharing his traveling stories & spurring our daughter Storm as she travels through Indonesia this month. Significant because Shane lived in Bali as both a missionary and Aussie surfer and this event in her life was something they always spoke about together.
Shane’s death has been the most painful loss in our lives and the ministry we served and built together. Such a devastating event caused me to see how life will be with out him. Flooded with thoughts how am I going to cope without him, be there for Rio, Sam, Storm and Dallas.
Every thought, especially in the early day and actually now as reality sets in comes back full circle to, ‘without Shane.’ Then it’s a matter of having to overcome fear and taking the thoughts of hopelessness and despair captive by living on the very word of scripture and my faith in Yahuah.
Those of you who knew Shane, you often comment how you remember him, how it was hard for him to contain himself in a zoom meeting during our online gatherings: he would get a rise in his spirit, hit the table, get off his chair pointing at the screen with passion and grit in his voice, saying it as it had to be said, speaking the hard things of Ya. This is why I know, if he where besides me right now, he would be saying, “Jesse, Come on Girl, GET UP, RISE UP.” His voice, his spirit is what spurs me on and of course placing my weakness in the Ruach Hakodesh. This step emboldens me to realign my thinking, how I need to reshape my life and destiny in Yahuah in the absence of Shane.
Yes, the kids and I, the ministry is without Shane, yet I feel his spirit, his presence in so many ways though momentarily. The difficulty in this realm of our lives, is how we moves forward without our loved ones and in our case Shane AND the ANSWER is with Yahuah. As I rise up, my conviction has to be, “How does this event look with my Elohiym. Everything now is with Yahuah. This has to be the way forward and indeed this is what ignites vision and passion for our future and in my case, “without Shane but with Yah.” Scripture says, “without vision the people perish,” (Proverbs 19:18) and for those reading this dedication who have encountered loss and are grieving, I want you to know that the Ruach (Spirit) offers us hope and carries us.
My every step is in Yah. We have no option than to look to a future in Yah. For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Yah, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. (Jeremiah 29:11) This has to be our race and the baton we run with. On our wedding ceremony order of service, we had inscribed the scripture: As for me and my household, we shall serve Yahuah. (Joshua 24:15) Today has been one of the harder days of coping and this dedication is late going into the 6th June by an hour instead of the 5th which marks Shane’s eight month of absence. As Shane would say “Stand Strong.”
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